Jason was a young student from Korea. His immigration to the United States was very rough. He spoke no English at the time. Therefore, he attended a special course called ESL (English Second Language). Different races of students were in the class, mainly from Asia- Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Indian. He learned to speak the English Alphabet in the first few class. He learned to say "dog" and "cat" after few weeks. A month later, with the help of electronic dictionary, we was able to roughly communicate with other students. He had no choice but to carry the dictionary everywhere he went. Without the dictionary, he could rarely communicate with Americans. He often wondered, "Why am I in this place with the people with different cultures? Why do I have to learn English in America? Can't I just learn English back in my home land?" He tried to not to look down upon the students who were horrible at math. Immigrated from a highly competitive math driven country, it was hard for him not to do so. However, helping those who were bad at math and finding friends who had common interest in sports slowly let him to adjust in school.
Nathan Cho:
Hi Jason, your paragraph sounds informational rather than descriptive. I think it would sound less informational if you write a description of your main character’s emotion and environment rather than general information about your main character. Try to consider about little things, such as emotion and action of the main character, and try to be specific when you are writing. Also, you have some grammar mistakes "we was" - "we were". Also, try to use a lot of emotional and affective adjectives so that the readers can really engage into the situation.
Jin Kwon:
Positive: I think it is very creative. I felt like I was drawn into the writing more and more. Your writing was very deep and in a way it showed how you really lived. I think you know how to write in a third- person view.
Negative: If the reader is not someone who knows Jin, it might be a little tough to understand.
Nathan Cho:
Positive: I knew from the beginning that nathan's writing was about Jin Kwon. He is very good at explaining his feeling and the details. I feel like he is very thorough about the explanations
Negative: The word choice seemed to be weak. .
Sanghyeon:
Positive: It was interesting. I felt very relaxed when I read your paper. It reminded me of the days back in the United States. He seems to know how to write in a third-personal view.
Negative: He should put more character's emotion.
SoC Paragraph
Jason was a young student from Korea. His immigration to the United States was very rough. He spoke no English at the time. Therefore, he attended a special course called ESL (English Second Language). Different races of students were in the class, mainly from Asia- Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Indian. He learned to speak the English Alphabet in the first few class. He learned to say "dog" and "cat" after few weeks. A month later, with the help of electronic dictionary, we was able to roughly communicate with other students. He had no choice but to carry the dictionary everywhere he went. Without the dictionary, he could rarely communicate with Americans. He often wondered, "Why am I in this place with the people with different cultures? Why do I have to learn English in America? Can't I just learn English back in my home land?" He tried to not to look down upon the students who were horrible at math. Immigrated from a highly competitive math driven country, it was hard for him not to do so. However, helping those who were bad at math and finding friends who had common interest in sports slowly let him to adjust in school.
Nathan Cho:
Hi Jason, your paragraph sounds informational rather than descriptive. I think it would sound less informational if you write a description of your main character’s emotion and environment rather than general information about your main character. Try to consider about little things, such as emotion and action of the main character, and try to be specific when you are writing. Also, you have some grammar mistakes "we was" - "we were". Also, try to use a lot of emotional and affective adjectives so that the readers can really engage into the situation.
Jin Kwon:
Positive: I think it is very creative. I felt like I was drawn into the writing more and more. Your writing was very deep and in a way it showed how you really lived. I think you know how to write in a third- person view.
Negative: If the reader is not someone who knows Jin, it might be a little tough to understand.
Nathan Cho:
Positive: I knew from the beginning that nathan's writing was about Jin Kwon. He is very good at explaining his feeling and the details. I feel like he is very thorough about the explanations
Negative: The word choice seemed to be weak. .
Sanghyeon:
Positive: It was interesting. I felt very relaxed when I read your paper. It reminded me of the days back in the United States. He seems to know how to write in a third-personal view.
Negative: He should put more character's emotion.